If Operating Systems were Airlines...
(The following was scanned from September's issue of IBM System User.)

If Operating Systems were Airlines, what kind of service would they offer?

DOS Air
  All the passengers go out onto the runway, grab hold of the plane, push
  it until it gets in the air, hop on, jump off when it hits the ground
  again. Then, they grab the plane again, push it back into the air, hop
  on, and so on.

Mac Airways
  The cashiers, flight attendants and pilots all look the same, feel the
  same and act the same. When asked questions about the flight, they reply
  that you don't want to know, don't need to know and would you please
  return to your seat and watch the movie.

Windows Airlines
  The terminal is very neat and clean, the attendants are all very
  attractive, the pilots very capable. The fleet of Lear jets the carrier
  operates is immense. Your jet takes off without a hitch, pushing up
  above the clouds and, at 20,000 feet, it explodes without warning.

OS/2 Skyways
  The terminal is almost empty with only a few prospective passengers
  milling about. The announcer says that their flight has just departed
  and wishes them a good flight, although there are no planes on the
  runway. Airline personnel walk around, apologizing profusely to
  customers in hushed voices, pointing from time to time to the sleek
  powerful jets outside the terminal on the field. They tell each
  passenger how good the real flight will be on these new jets and how
  much safer it will be than Windows Airlines but that they will have to
  wait a little longer for the technicians to finish the flight systems.

Fly Windows NT
  All the passengers carry their seats out onto the tarmac, placing the
  chairs in the outline of a plane. They all sit down, flap their arms and
  make jet swooshing sounds as if they are flying.

Unix Express
  All passengers bring a piece of the plane and box of tools with them to
  the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what
  kind of plane they want to build and how to put it together. Eventually,
  the passengers split in groups and build several different aircraft but
  give them all the same name. Some passengers actually reach their
  destination. All passengers believe they got there.

Wings of OS/400
  The airline has bought ancient DC-3s, arguably the best and safest
  planes that ever flew, and painted `747' on the tails to make them look
  as though they go fast. The flight attendants, of course, attend to your
  every need, although the drinks cost #163#10 a pop. Stupid questions
  cost #163#150 an hour, unless you have Supportline which requires a
  first class ticket and membership of the frequent flyer club. Then they
  cost #163#330 but your accounting department can call it an overhead.

MVS Airlines
  The passengers gather in the hanger, watching hundreds of technicians
  check the flight system on this immense, luxury aircraft. This plane has
  at least ten engines and seats over 1,000 passengers. Bigger models in
  the fleet have more engines than anyone can count and fly more
  passengers than there are on Earth. It is claimed to cost less per
  passenger mile to operate these humungous planes than any other aircraft
  ever built, unless you personally have to pay for the ticket. All the
  passengers scramble aboard, as do the 200 technicians needed to keep it
  from crashing. The pilot takes his place up in the glass cockpit. He
  fires the engines, only to realise that the plane is to big to get
  through the hanger doors.