Actual Bumper Stickers

 "All generalizations are false."

 "Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."

 "Time is what keeps everything from happening at once."

 "As long as there are tests there will be prayer in public schools."

 "The gene pool could use a little chlorine."

 "I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!"

 "Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him/her sleep."

 "Montana -- at least our cows are sane."

 "Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition."

 "Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!"

 "Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs."

 "I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute."

 "It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. "

 "According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist."

 "A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory."

 "Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."

 "Give me ambiguity or give me something else."

 "Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."

 "He who laughs last thinks slowest."

 "Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."

 "Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."

 "Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies."

 "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

 "Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone somewhere may be happy."

 "Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."

 "Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."

 "3 kinds of people. Those who can count and those who can't."

 "Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word? "

 "Ever stop to think and then forget to start again?"

 "Auntie Em, Hate you, Hate Kansas; Taking the dog. -- Dorothy."

 "Question Authority!"

 "Join the march against regimentation."

 "I brake for the hell of it."

From:  Mental Health/Psychology Jokes, By David Lubar