Life is truly a ride.  We're all strapped in, and no one can stop it.  As you
make each passage from youth to adulthood to maturity, sometimes you put your
arms up and scream, sometimes you just hang on to that bar in front of you.
 But the ride is the thing.  I think the most you can hope for at the end of
life is that your hair's messed, you're out of breath, and you didn't throw
up.  -- Jerry Seinfeld

You don't take LSD to expand your consciousness. You take it to turn your
toaster into a home entertainment center. (from Rocliffe)

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you're a nice person is like
hoping the bull won't charge because you're a vegetarian. (from Derbort)

A penny saved may be a penny earned, but it's a waste of a deposit slip and
it really pisses off the tellers.

The difference between science and advocacy is that scientists expose their
ideas to risk of falsification.

I work; therefore, I eat. I study; therefore, I learn. I burn my candle at
both ends; therefore, I am exhausted. -- Euripides Euphixum

The fiend in its own shape is less hideous than when he rages in the breast
[or shoulder] of man.
-- Nathaniel Hawthorne, _Young Goodman Brown_ (contributed by L7imbo)

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous!

Bumper sticker I saw:  HORN DOESN'T WORK, -- watch for finger....

Lady Astor: If I were your wife I'd poison your tea.
Winston Churchill: If I were your husband I'd drink it.

Steve Martin arriving in Heaven:  "What?  You've been keeping records on me?
 I wasn't so bad!  How many times did I take the Lord's name in vain?  One
million and six?  Jesus CHRIST!"

Time flies like the wind but fruit flies like bananas

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I
repeat myself. -- Mark Twain

In every person's soul lies a dark place where fears and nightmares are kept,
where instinct replaces logic, and where we become animal-like hunters trying
to fulfill our appetites for destruction... or is it just me?

Duct tape is like the force.  It has a light side, a dark side, and it keeps
the universe together.

Patience is something admired in the driver behind you, but not in the one
ahead of you.

I often wonder whether we do not rest our hopes too much upon constitutions,
upon laws and upon courts.  These are false hopes; believe me, these are
false hopes. Liberty lies in the hearts of men and women; when it dies there,
no constitution, no law, no court can save it . . ."
 -- Learned Hand (L7imbo again)

"Think of writing as though it were breathing. Just because you have to plant
a garden or take the subway or teach a class, you don't stop inhaling or
exhaling."
--Natalie Goldberg, _Writing Down the Bones_

"Words differently arranged have a different meaning, and meanings
differently arranged have a different effect."

_______________________________________
***All 3 of the following from
P.G. Wodehouse's _The Code of the Woosters_ (1938)
(contributed by L7imbo)

He spoke with that certain what-is-it in his voice, and I could see that, if
not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled, so I tactfully
changed the subject.

Roderick Spode? Big chap with a small moustache and the sort of eye that can
open an oyster at sixty paces?

It is no use telling me that there are bad aunts and good aunts. At the core,
they are all alike. Sooner or later, out pops the cloven hoof.
_______________________________________

When I die, I want to die sleeping, like my grandfather ...and not screaming
like the other passengers in his car.

Unless you expect the unexpected you will never find truth...  --  Heraclitus