YOU KNOW YOU ARE OLD.... when operating systems don't seem important anymore. when you hear the golden sounds of Judas Priest. when you chase your beer and 'brats with Maalox. when at least part of your conversation with your friends is about your health (i.e. root canals, back pain, worsening eye sight). when you don't like the clothes that are in style when the clothes you wore as a kid are now 'retro'. when you can remember a time before personal computers. when you can't remember what happened over the course of the past week. when you sound like your parents. when you like elevator music. when the bed wrinkles you used to wake up with do not go away. when you have so many forhead wrinkles you have to screw your hat on. when you wear a pair of radiation goggles to the beach cause the sun's too bright. when you have to use a magnifing glass to read the paper and that's just the for the headlines. when you get in to the car you've owned and driven most of your life and you cannot see over the steering wheel. when your social security card expires. when the children you saw on the T.V. shows you grew up on are all in elderly homes or are dead. when you lose your... what was I gonna write? when you find yourself at times driving the speed limit .. when you actually look at the signs to see what the speed limit is! when you believe Rock and Roll died in 1985... when you are telling your kids they are too young to know anything yet... when you'd rather eat something else besides junk food .. when you talk about "geeky" stuff like stock shares, technical breakthroughs, house payments, etc.. when you don't own a car that is burning a hole in your pocket to keep up.. when you are not interested in owning a car that would cause insurance policy to skyrocket.. when you find yourself thinking that "not attractive to thieves" is a good quality for your car to have . . . when you think jockeyboxing is a crime punishable by slow death ... when you dont worry about wearing clothes that arent the current fad.. when you think typical young people are shallow.. when you think MTV is a joke.. when you hate the IRS .. when the thought of walking into a fast food place filled with a young crowd makes you ill.. when you are glad for 21 and over bars ... when you wish there were 25 and over bars ... when you wonder why you ever went into bars . . . when you look at a college campus and everywhere you see kids. when you look at a high school and think "nursery" or "pound". when video games seem like a waste of time. when you realize the Playmate of the Month is half your age and that realization bothers you. when you start calling people who look and act just like you did ten years ago "dumb punks". when it takes twice as long to get it up, but it all ends twice as quickly. when going for a drive means to the local supermarket. when for the first time since entering senior high school fourteen-year-old girls excite you. when you notice your all-time favorite female vocalist is fat and wrinkled now, but you still find her attractive. when you begin to sympathize with long-retired former Presidents you used to loathe.. when you start figuring your inheritance from your parents into your long-term budget plans. when you feel sick just thinking about foods you used to snarf down without a second thought. when you no longer feel self-conscious about singing loudly in the shower. when you find yourself looking and sounding just as dorky as those stupid old farts that used to annoy you so much and even worse, you think that dorky behavior is "respectable". when you (and your wife) begin to notice that you're getting big and hard everywhere except where you should. (*** hey speak for yourself buddy ***) when you walk across the floor, it's you who doing the creaking. when you go out on dates with someone you just met, all you both do is talk about your children.